Monday, November 22, 2010

Cooking Disasters - Example # 1: Apple Bars

Well I can't just blow smoke up your butt having you think I'm this wonderfully awesome cook all the time!  Yeah right, far from it! 

I do okay most of the time but I still have failures and disasters.  That is why I entitled my cookbook, "Learn, Laugh, Cook."  Because let's face it, I'm still learning.  I make mistakes - at least one every few weeks.  But somehow I manage to laugh at myself (and my food); then I move on, determined to make something else that will be incredible and make me forget the vomit-looking apple bars that robbed me of an hour of my life!

In my cookbook, I share a few of my common mistakes with you.  I also include a few funny stories that happen to me as well.  This blog will also carry on that tradition of failures!  And I'll begin with this blog post!

Meet my latest cooking disaster - Sour cream apple lemon bars - or as I shall rename them - Bars that my dog wouldn't touch at first!

This is the second or third time I've tried making an apple dessert or apple bread where it turned into mush.  Maybe apples and I just don't mix!  Or don't mix with other things I should say.   I make a wonderful tasting apple crisp and apple crumble dessert but when I attempt to make something "fancier," this is what happens:

Mushy apples sitting on top of a thick, perfect crust. 

And when you get deeper into the dessert it looks like this:

You can just scrape the apple topping away from the crust.  FAIL! 

In fact, look what I can do!  I can pick up the entire crust and the apples just slide right off like a skateboard gliding down a ramp.

Oh well, it's not a total loss I suppose.  My dog will enjoy a special treat.

Wait, even he was afraid to try it at first!  That's really sad!

But once I convinced him that the apple bars were cat vomit mixed in with his own dog poop, he got on board very quickly!

Yummy I know!  But someone has to eat it! 

I could speculate on what went wrong and analyze my steps and ingredients (like the extra apple and lemon juice I placed in there), but why bother?  Why think about it any longer than it takes to throw it in the trash?  What's the point?  I can just start over or make something else.  And that is just what I will do!

So you see, this is why I refer to myself as an ordinary person learning how to cook.  Because that's what I am! 

Stay tuned for more of my cooking disasters and my comical kitchen adventures and other stories.... they are never-ending!  :-)


  1. hahah that is great Mandy! uh I mean Fail... hahaha Its great you share the fails, because we all have them but sometimes are afraid to admit it. :)

  2. my cooking fail always involves pasta in the crock pot. It took 3 times for me to learn that no matter how good the recipe sounds, pasta turns to mush in the crock pot.

  3. Jill - pretty true! Any recipe that does not tell you to add the pasta in the last 30-60min is probably not going to turn out very well!

    Mandy - what did you DO??? I think apples have a lot of water in them, so maybe adding extra WAS a little too much! Now I'll have to try them and see if I have better results :) I'll let you know.

  4. This is why I don't even attempt to bake or cook .... the kitchen scares me

  5. Haha! Being relatively new dog owners, I laughed at your description. My dog would love a meal of cat vomit and poop as well! :)