Thursday, December 23, 2010

How I Used Johnny Depp For A Holiday Cookie Contest

Marlon Brando says these famous lines in the film entitled On The Waterfont --  "You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it."

I feel you Marlon.  I feel you.

That's how I felt when I attended a recent holiday party and cookie exchange.  I was robbed from winning the prize.  Ya see, there was a friendly competition in who would have the best cookies.  However, it wasn't for the best tasting cookies.  The winner would be decided by how the cookies were presented.  It was all about the packaging at this party!

Oh Crap, I thought to myself when I realized this stipulation.  We all know my cooking isn't the prettiest or most presentable.  Taste is usually all I have going for me.  They need to look pretty or be in some Martha Stewart hand-crafted package??  I'm screwed.  I'm really screwed.  I'll never win.

While I sulked, a commercial starring Johnny Depp in his new film The Tourist comes on.  Mmmm, Johnny Depp!  Sexy Johnny Depp!  He can help me save the day..... I've got it!

No woman I know can resist Johnny Depp.  If I could just find a gorgeous picture of him, preferrably with his shirt off and then write up a poem as if it were written by him.... Yes, yes!  This is going to be good.  I can make this work!  Especially when I find a photo like this:

Here's what I came up for the package presentation of my cookies (see below photo):

In case you have trouble seeing or reading the picture above, the red and green polka-dot cookie box has a photo of Johnny Depp holding a cigarette.  He is also bare chested.  Below his photo is the following poem that I wrote but claimed as his own words:

"Listen to me, my beauty
Mandy's cookies are the best!
Delicious, flavorful and savory
Just like my lips and chest.

Let's eat these treats together
As we stroll, dance and dip.
If you vote for her dessert,
I will kiss you on the lip." 

Not bad, right?  I was pleased with myself and I hoped it was just the ticket I needed to win the cookie contest. 

I mean, who could resist a box with bare chested Johnny Depp on it reciting a love poem.  And cookies inside it too.

Sadly though, I was defeated in my efforts.  The winner of the cookie contest was just a bit more clever than me and had an even sexier idea than Johnny Depp, if you can believe that. 

That's right, the winner - ES - hand crafted little Santa pants and Elf pants.  Then she placed chocolate oreo balls and peanut butter balls inside each pants leg.  Therefore, no matter whose pants you got into (Dirty Santa or Buddy the Elf), you discovered tasty balls! 

I'm not kidding people!  This is what I was up against!  So yeah.... ES and her balls in the pants packaging was indeed victorious!  Maybe next year I'll come up with something even better.

The pressure is on!  When you're up against packages that look like this (below photo):

then you have to be smarter, more creative and ruthless!  At least I've got another year to come up with a genius plan.  Maybe in 2011, I'll be a contender! 

Until then, feel free to borrow or steal my idea for exploiting Johnny Depp and his bare chest for any of your holiday gatherings and functions.

Best wishes to you!


  1. oh, i would have gone for Johnny Depp over those balls!! in fact, i probably would have run off with every single one of your cookie packages!

  2. Oh no! This reminds me! After you left we decided that it definitely should have been a tie or at least a runner-up prize (you know...since there is no official voting process and we can make up the rules as we go!) because not only did you include Johnny Depp, but it was your first year and you definitely brought your A Game! I have a lovely set of cookie cutters that were sitting next to the ornament you didn't pick up yesterday! I will get them both to you...someday!!! :-)