Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Loser Cook Award #3: Milk Does A Body Good, But It Ruins My Recipes!

The "milk does a body good," slogan came to my mind as I was shaking my head in utter disgust a few days ago over my latest dessert failure.  I agree with the milk phrase.  I just can't figure out why milk and my cooking don't do a recipe good. 

I suppose I can't blame milk itself for causing me to be yet again another loser cook.  No, I manage to create that shameful award all for myself, without any help from others.  However, I did have high hopes with this very simple S'mores Bars recipe.  Marshmallows, chocolate, graham crackers and milk.  That couldn't be difficult, could it?  Right?  WRONG! 

Here is my latest loser in the kitchen story -

I have made these s'mores bars twice now.  Both times were a disappointment.  Well, I take that back.... they still taste very good and I still ate them.  But their texture and consistency leave much room to be desired.

The first time I was a complete idiot and didn't read the recipe ingredients clearly.  This is a downfall of mine, one that I admit several times in my self-published cookbook.  In fact, I used evaporated milk instead of condensed milk during the first round. Stupid, stupid I know!  But that's what I did. And here is the end result, the first time:

Can you say liquid s'mores?  That's what they came to be.

Okay fine.  I'll make them again and have the right stuff. 

So the second time I knew better!  I grabbed the condensed milk and happily put it all together.  So, why, oh why, did it still come out like little s'mores mud puddles after making them with the right products?

A second failure for the same recipe!  What kind of loser does this twice in a row!?

Let's sing a song to cheer up, shall we?  "I'm singing in the rain..... now I'm slippin' in a mud puddle...... thanks to my big, melted s'mores bars....."

Seriously, what's wrong with me and milk-filled recipes?  Is my baking pan lactose intolerant and crying out for help? 

Why do I end up with a mess like this?

Desserts seem to be my biggest downfall (in more ways than one)!  What's the deal oh kitchen gadgets and gods!?   Sigh!

These diasters keep happening and I can't help it.   Despite the drama, I refuse to give up making desserts or using milk and chocolate!  Somehow, someway I will prevail!

Until then though, I guess I'll be wasted away again in Mandy's Loser-ville.....


Go here to read about my first and second loser cook awards
Here is another
cooking disaster you might enjoy too!


  1. Did you only use 2/3 cup?? You're going to have to collect all these worst cook award recipes so we can make them the right way when I visit ;)

  2. Oh my goodness! What a mess! You'll conquer them soon enough and then you'll be the victor!

  3. I deserve a loser award too. I made homemade Babe Ruth Bars. I was told to put in a 9x13 pan, cool, and slice (you make the ingredients on the stove top, stir in cornflakes, and melt choc over the top. Anyways they were hard as rock and it took me forever to get them out of the pan. GEESH!! You are not alone :) although mine had no milk.

  4. You keep trying!! I am THE queen loser of baking disasters...we should start a club! Seriously too many to count...weeks of cooking disasters :-) I'm rooting for you, sister!!